3 Common Dating Mistakes & How to Avoid Them

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As the season for summer flings winds down and people start to make choices about whom to date more seriously, I want to share my thoughts on common mistakes people make when dating and my recommendations for how to make wise choices about romantic relationships.

I have had countless conversations with girlfriends about our dating lives. We talk about what the latest person (or people) we are dating are doing. What we hope potential partnerships will be like, what we hope they will look like, the amount of money we hope they will make, etc. Recently, I’ve begun to think that we are not focusing on the most important things during these conversations. My experience as a couples therapist has helped me to understand that many people have good intentions but are unaware of important building blocks for strong, healthy, long-lasting relationships. I think a lot of us date in ways that do not help us to understand whether the people we are dating will be good long term partners for us. Essentially, I think we focus on the wrong things, which leads us to make mistakes when dating. Continue reading

Letting go of Superwoman: Asking for Help

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Black women have been socialized to be superwomen. To take on everything ourselves, to fill in gaps and handle responsibilities that other people relinquish. Taking on things by ourselves and pushing through difficult times has allowed Black women to accomplish amazing things and it has also taken a toll. As children, many of us saw the women in our lives taking on the world and rarely asking for help. It may have been implicitly or explicitly communicated to us that asking for help is a sign of weakness. However, not asking for help when you need it can lead to feeling overwhelmed and reaching a breaking point. Not asking for help can contribute to depression, anxiety, general stress, and health issues. Not asking for help can limit our ability to take care of ourselves and build resentment in relationships.  Continue reading

Discipline: Necessary for Success

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It has been inspiring to watch Black women to do so well at the Olympics and wow the world with their talent, power, and poise. Black women are kept out of many spaces and often overlooked so seeing these Olympians take center stage, shatter records, and represent America is particularly moving. While the performances of these athletes looks easy, they are not. I’m sure these women have spent thousands of hours perfecting their craft, strengthening their bodies, and preparing their minds to execute on the largest athletic stage in the world. I’m sure that all of these women have engaged in high levels of discipline. I doubt any of them would have succeeded without discipline. Continue reading

Comparing Yourself to Others

outward_longingSummer: wedding season and a time when people are traveling and posting fabulous pictures of themselves in exotic places. Summer can also be a time when it’s easier to get caught up in comparing ourselves to other. Whether we are wishing we were the one getting married, wishing we had the money to take an amazing trip, or wishing our plans to get our bodies right by the summer had worked out, there are ample opportunities to feel like the grass is greener in other people’s yards. Continue reading