I had a tough week two weeks ago. I came back in town from being at a funeral over the weekend and then promptly started a treatment for some gut issues I’ve been dealing with. Then I had a reaction to the treatment, which had me feeling pretty badly on Tuesday and Wednesday. I needed to take time off but I could only bring myself to take off about 3 hours at the end of one day. My struggle to take off the time that I needed pushed me to think about what makes this so difficult for me. I’m pretty good at engaging in consistent self-care if it does not keep me from helping or supporting other people. However, when it came to telling clients that I can’t see them I struggled to do what I needed for myself.
In contemplating this issue I got the sense that this was about more than wanting to be there to help my clients. That is certainly true, and for the most part I know my clients will be just fine if they don’t see me for a week. There was something deeper that was keeping me from taking the sick time that I needed. What I realized was that at the core of this struggle was my fear of being seen as unreliable or sick. I was worried that taking time for myself would make people think of me in a negative light. My struggle to care for myself is caused by my belief that being healthy, competent, and capable at all times is condition of my self-worth Continue reading