When we feel unworthy, we have an unhealthy relationship with ourselves, making it more likely for us to have toxic relationships with other people.
Toxic relationships leave us feeling like we are not good enough and that if we could just look prettier, communicate better, be better, or do better… that we’d be worthy of love and acceptance.
Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation for our relationships with romantic partners and other people, so if we’re in a place of low or conditional self-worth, we won’t feel worthy just as we are. We treat ourselves poorly when we don’t feel that we are worthy of love, respect, and success. This sets us up to attract and be attracted to partners that make us feel like we have to prove our worth and earn their love.
Even if you’re with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are, you might reject their love because you don’t feel worthy of it! This rejection of love could cause you to sabotage your own relationships in order to push them away so you can cozy up to your unworthiness again. How unhealthy is that?!
This relates to the concept in psychology called cognitive dissonance, which involves feeling uncomfortable when you’re faced with something that contradicts your beliefs. If you believe negative thoughts about yourself, you’ll feel comfortable in relationships that feed off negativity… and vice versa.
Are you tired of pushing away the love that’s offered to you or chasing love that’s just out of your reach?
Your mindset and what you believe about yourself are so essential for building and nurturing healthy relationships, both with yourself and with others.
Think about your current relationships and your past relationships, as well as the dynamics you have felt most comfortable with. Have you felt more comfortable with a partner who treated you poorly than you were with somebody who treated you with respect and as though you were worthy and lovable?
If you’re feeling exhausted, overextended, unworthy, and not fully yourself in a relationship, I know how you feel. Take a deep breath. It’s time to work on connecting to your unconditional self-worth. This path to unshakable self-worth is the same path that will lead you to true love and acceptance.
You are not the problem here. If you believe you’re the problem, you’ll keep changing in hopes that maybe you’ll be able to save the relationship and maybe they’ll treat you better. In reality, once you recognize that the relationship dynamic is toxic and is contributing to you feeling unworthy, you can make a more informed choice about whether or not you want to continue the relationship.
I invite you to compassionately offer yourself some comfort and challenge the idea that you should take what you can get.
It may be hard to believe that you are unconditionally worthy, but it’s the truth of who you are.
You are unconditionally worthy of receiving love, support, and affection. If you’re in a toxic relationship, one that doesn’t make you feel worthy, you deserve so much better. Don’t settle for being treated poorly. Don’t settle for a relationship where you don’t get your needs met. You may not feel ready to walk away just yet, which is okay, but let’s work together to start setting some healthy boundaries!
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