There were times in my life where I played victim and times where I felt empowered to make things happen. There were times where I felt like things were happening to me and times where I tried to control everything just to calm my anxiety. Can you relate?
Succumbing to a victim mentality is exhausting! Sometimes life throws so many challenges and obstacles at us, it’s hard to keep our chin up and remain the hero of our own life. When so much is going wrong or not going the way you expected, do you blame yourself? Do you blame others? Do you let the urge to complain consume the happiness and positivity in your life?
Complaining and blaming truly doesn’t change anything. At the core of it all is our relationship to our self-worth. During the times I felt like the world was punishing me, deep down, I didn’t have a healthy mindset around my self-worth. I didn’t feel worthy of success, love, happiness, or peace. “If I had just been better, maybe my relationship would have worked out. If I had just been wiser, I could have been more prepared to navigate my career/education.” Have you ever found yourself thinking these kinds of thoughts?
I don’t want to diminish your hardships because I know we all experience hurt, trauma, and unfortunate events. I’m not saying other people don’t contribute to your hardships, but I do know that when we keep blaming ourselves or others for our circumstances, we end up feeling stuck and like there’s nothing we can do to change our lives. The reality is, we almost always have choices we can make to improve our situation.
Do you find yourself resisting suggestions or resisting the options you have to improve your life? If you hold onto the idea that there is nothing you can do to change your life, you may be caught up in the victim mentality.
The good news is, there are ways to get out of the victim mentality. Explore whether playing the victim has genuinely benefited your life or not. Identify the feelings and thoughts you have about yourself that have allowed you to settle in the victim mindset. Do you feel or fear that you’re not worthy of anything better? Are you punishing yourself for past mistakes, challenges, or failures? Do you feel like you deserve these hardships? Is that really how you want to live your life?
Make yourself the hero of your life.
When you’re the hero of your life, you acknowledge the challenges in life and the impact of trauma without focusing on blaming other people or institutions for your pain. Do not allow these experiences to take away your innate power or agency.
Assuming the role of the hero means that you take responsibility for your life and you don’t give that responsibility, that power, to anyone else. This can be scary because sometimes it feels safer to blame others for what’s happening, but when you don’t take responsibility for yourself, you miss out on the life that you most desire. When you’re the hero, you’re in the driver’s seat. You have the ability to decide where to go and what music to play on the way! Every decision you make is a chance to align with your values and take another step closer to achieving your goals, meaning you can start RIGHT NOW.
Once you open your eyes to your power and your heroic energy, your options become more clear to see. When you’re the hero of your own story, you won’t be as reactive to life’s challenges and setbacks. Instead, you envision the life you want for yourself, face challenges head on, and courageously pursue your vision, asking for help and support along the way.
Being the hero can look like setting healthy boundaries in your relationships, deciding to look for a new job because your current workplace is toxic, or just incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet.
What is one thing you can take responsibility for right now? Identify that as well as 2-3 action steps you can take in the next week to start making a change in your life. Notice what it feels like to connect to and own your power and to embody the hero within you.
Remember, you are worthy of the life you have envisioned for yourself and the world will be a better place once you’re the hero.
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