For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide

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“And this is for Colored girls who have considered suicide, but are moving to the ends of their own rainbows.”

– Ntozake Shange, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf

Imagine what it would be like if every day began to feel grey. You wake up, struggle to get out of bed, maybe you don’t make it some days. Things got worse when someone you had a crush on raped you after you flirted and danced at a wonderful party. You felt ashamed and deeply hurt. You didn’t feel you could tell anyone for fear of people blaming and questioning you. You don’t feel there’s anyone you can call. You get the sense that everyone dislikes you. People are slow to respond to text messages. You know that you used to have the energy to engage in life but you can’t remember what motivated you before. You cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. You begin closing in on yourself. Ignoring calls and texts from family and friends. Assuming that they don’t really care, that they don’t really want to hear about how you’re doing. You start drinking and smoking more to numb out the difficult feelings. You feel guilty for not enjoying your life. You have a job that pays well, an apartment, a car, nice clothes, a couple of degrees. You should be happy, right? You start having thoughts that there is no way you can be in this place of loneliness, isolation, despair for long. You’re not sure how much you can take.  Continue reading “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide”

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