Healing Childhood Wounds

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I saw Moonlight last weekend; it is a powerful, poignant, and nuanced movie about Black male development, masculinity, love, and sexuality. One aspect of the movie that moved me to tears was the depiction of the trauma the main character experienced in relationships with his mother and peers and how this trauma influenced him as a child and as an adult. Inspired by Moonlight, this post is dedicated to discussing childhood wounds and providing suggestions for how to heal them.

I was blessed to grow up in a stable, loving family and I still came out of childhood with some wounds. As a kid it felt like my parents were a unit and that I was on the outside of their strong marriage. Also, because my parents were so successful, I believed that they were perfect and that I needed to be perfect in order to be loved. In addition to my experiences at home, I frequently felt like an outsider as one of few black kids at school and didn’t quite fit in with my black friends at church. Loneliness was a frequent companion. As a child and teenager I adapted to this combination of experiences by working to try to get people to like me. I subconsciously felt that I was unlovable and spent a lot of energy trying to do things (giving my time, energy, support) in order to be loved. I guess it’s no surprise that now my job involves spending most of my time helping people to feel better about themselves and to not feel alone. I carried the wounds from my childhood into my young adult years and therapy was what helped me to heal and let go of these wounds. Continue reading “Healing Childhood Wounds”

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Trauma: The Effect of Police Violence

Noblesville elite policmen conduct live fire shoot house training at Camp Atterbury, Ind.I have to admit that I felt numb when I learned about Alton Sterling being killed by police in Louisiana. Emotional numbness is an understandable response to being overloaded with emotionally difficult information. Numbness occurs when our body and brain decide to conserve our energy and emotional resources by limiting our response. When I read the news about Philando Castile being murdered in Minneapolis the numbness could no longer hold. I think we all are feeling a complex combination of emotions including: anger, rage, fear, sadness, exhaustion, heartbreak, denial, and hopelessness. All of these feelings are understandable; none should be judged.

So what is happening? Why are we reacting so strongly? Why is there an outpouring of emotion on social media following yet another police murder? My answer: we are being traumatized. Continue reading “Trauma: The Effect of Police Violence”