Why Self-Worth is Essential for Healthy Boundaries
— EPISODE 10 —
There are many ways we can set boundaries in our lives.
We can create boundaries around our physical body, emotional experiences, possessions, time, you name it!
My biggest struggles with boundaries have related to time. Before I connected to my unconditional self-worth, I didn’t protect my time. I gave it out left and right to anyone and everyone who asked for it, even strangers! Being a perfect, selfless friend was my strategy to prove my worthiness. This caused me to feel like I always had to be available to show up for everyone. The idea of setting boundaries around my time felt scary because I was afraid my friends wouldn’t want to be my friends anymore if I didn’t give my time to them, leaving me in an exhausting loop of always saying yes. Do you resonate?
Perhaps you struggle with emotional boundaries, always taking on other people’s feelings and taking responsibility for how other people feel.
Maybe you struggle with physical boundaries, having trouble telling people the type of physical or sexual touch you are or are not comfortable with.
I encourage you to take a moment to think about where you struggle with boundaries.
What types of boundaries have been difficult for you to establish and enforce?
What happens when you don’t set these boundaries?
How has that impacted your quality of life and your relationships?
Reasons why boundaries are important:
Boundaries keep us physically safe.
They keep us emotionally healthy and grounded.
They give us the freedom of choice.
When we don’t set boundaries, we end up being reactive to the world around us.
When we don’t set healthy boundaries, our physical, emotional, and mental energy ends up being spread out all over the place, reserving very little energy for ourselves, leaving us feeling overextended, exhausted, and resentful.
The connection between self-worth and boundaries
When we don’t feel worthy, it’s challenging to set boundaries because we don’t feel like we are worthy of saying no or protecting our time and energy or prioritizing our wants and needs. When we’re stuck in a place of low self-worth, we often feel like we should take what we can get.
When we know we’re worthy unconditionally and that our worth doesn’t depend on what others think of us, it’s so much easier to set boundaries! We can then prioritize spending time with our friends when it works for us, saying no to talking or to attending gatherings when we need time for ourselves without fear of our friends being salty about it. When we know we’re unconditionally worthy, it’s easier to say no to a romantic or sexual interaction without fearing that rejection may mean we are unworthy or unlovable.
People won’t think you’re mean for taking time for yourself. They may get upset or not understand at first, heck, they may even throw a little tantrum, but that’s normal in the boundary-setting process. It’s important not to take this personally because taking time for oneself is a human necessity. Don’t give in and give yourself to them.
3 Strategies for setting healthy boundaries:
Identify and remember why you’re setting the boundary in the first place.
Remember that boundaries are healthy.
Enlist reliable support and accountability.
Remember, your self-worth does not come from you being the perfect, ever-available friend, family member, or lover. Boundaries are the foundation for healthy, loving relationships and enforcing them will help you improve your quality of life and your inner glow.
If you’re interested in getting started on your journey to embracing your unconditional self-worth…
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