How Our Intersecting Identities Influence our Self-Worth With Tobias Spears
— EPISODE 26 —
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For Tobias Spears, the journey to unconditional self-worth is all about embracing vulnerability, making mistakes, and understanding that his mistakes aren’t costlier than those of more normative people.
As a Black gay man, a seasoned senior administrator, and a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Expert, Tobias has learned to embrace his worthiness while navigating the world through his various identities.
Tobias is a powerful example of how embarking on this journey to embracing our unconditional self-worth allows us to develop a softness and “just be” despite the stereotypes, marginalization, and pressures put on us from a world that just doesn’t understand us yet.
We often long for others to embrace us completely for who we are, and sometimes they do, but sometimes we have people in our lives that don’t. Tobias notes that we can’t control everything that’s external to us and that’s why it’s so important for you to create an internal space of acceptance and worthiness.
We truly shine and inspire change when we have a strong foundation of self-worth and confidence in our ideas. Get off that roller coaster of other people’s expectations! Look inwards and see what you really want out of life.
How Tobias Thinks About Intersectionality and Identity
Tobias says, “Intersectionality really begins or surfaces in feminism, and black feminism in particular, as a way to think about this idea that identities don’t just come together, but they actually come together and they mean something. They mean a different type of experience with the world.”
Sometimes, this means your minoritization is multiplied (for example, if you identify as a Black person, a woman, and queer). Race, class, gender, and geography are all factors. Intersectionality is a recognition that when your identities converge, they mean something and they do something, which means we must give them different types of opportunities, services, and recognition.
The more converging, oppressed identities you have, the more you may try to act out in opposition to them rather than having a joyous and fulfilled life. You may feel like all these identities fuel your self-worth, but you may eventually realize you’ve been living a life that’s not truly authentic to you. Whether it be in your dating life or your professional life, your job isn’t to deconstruct these social narratives and racist ideas. “Your dating life shouldn’t be a social justice call or a social justice rally,” Tobias says, “your dating life should be who you want to be with, who you desire, but your more political life should be about inclusion.” Does that resonate with you?
Tobias believes that in order to cultivate your unconditional self-worth as a minoritized group, you need to let go of all those things that pull you in other directions. You’ll be a much better ally and do much better anti-racist work when you see yourself as unconditionally worthy.
“We all have to take a journey where we contend with ourselves, where we say: What is my purpose? What am I getting out of activism? What are these things that make me smile?” he says.
Whether it’s implementing more acts of self-care into your life or going to therapy to work through your traumas, there are ways to figure out what things serve you, empower you, and bring you closer to your self-worth.
Furthermore, having a community of people surrounding you that share your unique identities and struggles is so helpful in consistently embracing your worthiness, your power, and your complex humanity, while also deconstructing the narratives that have challenged you or held you back.
Your activism isn’t about proving your worth.
Your worth is a given. Don’t let your sense of worthiness get caught up in the fight. Depersonalize all of the -isms. At the end of the day, if someone has a problem with you being a Black woman or a queer Black man, that’s their problem!
Own your worthiness. Embrace the joy in life so you don’t get lost in the struggle. Take time to relax and be reflective because that IS a unique act of resistance. Your existence isn’t all about the fight, it’s about rest, too. You’re not just worthy when you’re being productive and serving your community, you’re worthy always, just because you exist.
Remember: Magic comes from owning your intersecting identities. You see and enjoy things in a way that so many others cannot.
Tobias’ final words of advice:
Don’t compare your journey to others’ journeys. I
mmense change happens when you stop comparing yourself and your worthiness to other people’s. It’s so powerful to think about how you’ve gotten from point A to point B without thinking about other people’s journeys.
About Tobias Spears:
Tobias Spears is a senior administrator with 17 years of professional experience. His roles have focused on diversity, inclusion, and justice with specific emphases on racial equity as well as queer and trans equity. He is a strategic thinker, adept administrator, and Black feminist scholar. Tobias does public speaking, consulting, and capacity building with organizations interested in cultural responsiveness.
As a scholar, Tobias studies race, gender, and sexuality across film, television, and other communicative cultures. For example, in his current research project, Tobias finds that representations of Black queer people in contemporary televisual media provide timely answers to longstanding sociopolitical questions about neoliberalism, coalition building, and future-oriented world-making.
Tobias’s scholarship informs his professional praxis through the ways he centers populations who are most vulnerable, ensures constituents feel heard and supported, and advocates for equitable deployments of material resources.
To connect further with Tobias Spears:
Connect with him on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/tobias-spears-596a57142
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