How Our Families Impact Our Self-worth
— EPISODE 27 —
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With the holidays just around the corner, I feel like it’s really important to talk about how our families, and specifically our relationships with our parents or primary caregivers, influence our self-worth.
Do you experience challenging or sensitive dynamics with your loved ones? Well, you’re not alone!
Exploring these family dynamics and how they impact(ed) your feelings of worthiness can be very helpful for your self-worth journey…so let’s explore it together! Read on to learn some simple strategies for taking care of yourself during the holidays and any other time you’re navigating challenging family dynamics. Plus, if you tune in to this episode of Unconditionally Worthy, you’ll gain insight into my personal struggle with parental dynamics and how this influenced my self-worth growing up.
Our families set the stage for self-worth.
When you were a kid, did you often act out in response to things you didn’t like, such as rules, boundaries, or not getting what you wanted? In psychology, we call these types of kids externalizers because they do things that communicate externally that something is wrong and that they’re not happy. They act out with aggression, emotion, etc. Oftentimes, these kids are punished, rather than being asked “What’s wrong? What do you need?”
If that resonates with you, how did that make you feel, to be punished for trying to communicate that something’s wrong or that you need support? Think about how that may have affected your feelings of worthiness.
On the other hand, we have internalizers. Internalizers tend to turn their concerns and frustration inward onto themselves. If something goes wrong or they need support, they’ll feel anxious, self-critical, lonely, they’ll blame themselves, strive for perfection, feel depressed and down on themselves, etc. These kids are often overlooked because they’re not causing problems that are very noticeable to others.
If that resonates with you, how did it feel to be overlooked by your caregivers? Can you see how this could impact self-worth, too?
Whether your childhood was amazing or filled with trauma, your family dynamics have likely impacted your feelings of self-worth, and that’s okay.
It’s important to recognize how our parents impact us. This isn’t to say our parents are awful people and it’s not about blaming them for the struggles we face…it’s about acknowledging that sometimes, despite their best efforts, our parents are not able to give us everything we need. Most of the time, it’s because they didn’t get the things they desperately needed or wanted from their parents while they were growing up.
We don’t have perfect parents because they are human.
We are all human. Something that has helped me on my self-worth journey is acknowledging the hardships my dad has gone through in his lifetime. Perhaps it’s time for you to look at your parents in a different light, explore how their upbringings have impacted their relationships with you, and begin to reparent yourself in ways you’ve always needed. This will allow you to open yourself up to forgiveness and acceptance, so you can keep growing on your journey to unconditional self-worth.
How to Reparent Yourself:
If you feel triggered, highly sensitive, or upset by your childhood or your parents, it’s usually because your younger self is crying out for support and attention. Don’t criticize yourself for this. Instead, offer yourself the love, compassion, care, and understanding that you didn’t receive as a child. Give your younger self a hug, encourage them, and keep supporting them through this challenging period. Over time, you’ll heal your younger self and open up your present self to deeper healing and unconditional worthiness.
So, are you ready to reparent yourself and receive the love and care you’ve always wanted? It starts here and now – with you!
If you’re interested in getting started on your journey to embracing your unconditional self-worth…
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