Overcoming Oppression and Trauma With the Power of Self-Worth With Corey Williams
— EPISODE 28 —
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For so many Black women, discovering our self-worth is a journey. We’re used to feeling like we have to prove ourselves to everyone in order to feel worthy.
Growing up, Corey Williams was always working to put others first and to seek approval, whether that be from her parents, her peers, or even her first spouse. Sound familiar?
Corey Williams is the Founder of Sair Collective which helps organizations and individuals unlearn explicit and implicit biases, value diverse identities, and create cultures of belonging. Corey is an engaging speaker and a contributor to a variety of podcasts and radio programs on subjects of equity, antiracism, gender violence, sexual assault, and healing. I was lucky enough to snag her as a guest on Unconditionally Worthy to speak on how to overcome oppression and trauma with the power of self-worth.
It wasn’t until after her experience with sexual assault that Corey realized she needed a reset. With so much of what she relied on for a sense of worthiness falling away, she finally felt the freedom to define what was important to her and rebuild her life with intention.
For the first time ever, Corey put herself at the center of her own life.
“There’s more to life than survival and for those of us who are lucky enough to be at the point in our lives where we have the extra time and capacity to devote to our self-worth journey, it’s a beautiful thing to be able to prioritize yourself and really know yourself,” Corey says.
You don’t have to start your self-worth journey from a place of complete readiness or commitment. As Corey says, you can explore your self-worth in stages from wherever you’re at. Invite in some compassion for yourself, your upbringing, and the experiences you’ve had in your lifetime.
No matter the pain or the trauma you’ve gone through in life, you’re not broken. When you experience trauma or some type of devastating experience, you have options for processing it and sometimes that means you feel the pain in every part of your being. What’s truly important to recognize is how your self-worth can empower your healing process and the rest of your life.
When teaching her daughter about self-worth, Corey instills two pieces of wisdom:
Be your own best friend. Treat yourself as you would a best friend.
Think about yourself as the hero of your story. Every day is a new chapter and although you may not have control over every part of the plot, you have the power to decide the direction it goes in.
Beyond the trauma, violence, and oppression that is external to us, everything you do in life is a choice. Once you embrace that, you can embrace all the beautiful possibilities life has to offer AND you can embrace your unconditional worthiness of achieving those possibilities.
Here’s a hot take… If we’re so passionate about dismantling the systems of oppression, including abolishing the police, we must first develop a passion for dismantling the systems of oppression that are in our own minds. Too often, we throw ourselves into mental prison… and for what?! To achieve the freedom we desire so strongly, it’s important to create that freedom within ourselves first.
Okay, take a deep breath and let that sink in. Now, let’s shift our thoughts to self-worth and boundaries. With Thanksgiving and other holidays coming up, you may be feeling some anxiety or dread when thinking about getting together with loved ones. Perhaps you feel uncertain about where the conversations will go or how family members (or yourself) will react to certain topics, like politics. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there!
Corey’s Advice for Dealing with Challenging Relationships & Family Dynamics During the Holidays:
Decide (ideally together) what you want your gathering to be. This way, you’ll know what you’re going into. Don’t put pressure on yourself to fix family issues or talk about a certain thing you don’t want or need to talk about at that time. Holidays and family gatherings are for celebrating and enjoying each other’s company.
Be aware, mindful, and in the present moment. Being in your body as opposed to in your mind will do wonders for you and everyone around you. If you need to take a moment to be alone and get out of your head, talk a walk by yourself and a few deep breaths.
Use “I” statements and communicate your needs with your loved ones. For example, “If and when Cousin Joe makes a comment about my body like they did last year, I need a safe place to go to decompress and process my feelings. When they make comments like that, I feel hurt and don’t want to be around him.” Place your trust in the family members that will wholeheartedly support you and your needs.
Now that you’ve soaked in all these insights, how do you feel? Do you feel empowered to honor your unconditional self-worth, create healthy boundaries, and dismantle the oppression within your own mind? It’s okay if you’re not totally on board just yet.
Remember, it’s a journey. Start with a few small steps. Eventually, your unconditional self-worth will ground you and enable you to take on the world with confidence and strength!
About Corey Williams & The Sair Collective:
Corey Williams is an engaging speaker and a contributor to a variety of podcasts and radio programs on subjects of equity, antiracism, gender violence, sexual assault, and healing. She has been doing work with equity her whole life, but specifically as a vocation since 2016. Corey brings a warmth and empathy for people wherever she goes and she is passionate in ensuring each diverse person is valued.
Corey graduated cum laude from Harvard University. She identifies as a Black, bisexual woman and her pronouns are she, her, hers. She lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina with her four children, her partner, and two very small, very loud dogs.
Sair Collective helps organizations and individuals unlearn explicit and implicit biases, value diverse identities, and create cultures of belonging. Sair Collective offers facilitated workshops to help organizations assess stakeholder biases, beliefs, and knowledge, and helps craft narratives and explicit values aligned with goals, practices, and policies.
Together this Sair Collective team brings years of leadership, marketing, product management, strategic planning, product ownership, hiring, cross-functional team collaboration, experimentation design, talent development, vendor management, digital design, training, process design and implementation, operations optimization, and a number of other skills.
To connect further with Corey Williams:
Visit her website: www.coreywilliams.com
If you’re interested in getting started on your journey to embracing your unconditional self-worth…
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