Releasing the Need to Say “I Got It” with Elayne Fluker
— EPISODE 37 —
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Do you instinctually say “I got it!” to people who reach out to help you? Do you constantly take on responsibilities, then wonder why you’re so stressed out? You may have “I got it” syndrome…
Today’s amazing guest is Elayne Fluker, a Speaker, Author, and Host of the Support is Sexy podcast. Elayne’s new book, Get Over "I Got It", encourages ambitious women to learn how to embrace support not only for their success but also for their peace of mind.
In this episode, Elayne and I talk about what it means to overcome “I got it” syndrome and how that intersects with self-worth. Elayne vulnerably shares a few personal stories, touching on the time she attempted suicide at age 15 and how she healed from that, realizations she’s had in her dating life, and a powerful acronym [H.E.L.P.] she created to help you let go of the need to say “I got it”.
What is “I got it” syndrome?
“I got it” syndrome can be described as the (often unconscious) tendency to take on tasks and responsibilities while denying help and support until you’ve taken on too much responsibility and stress. For example, you have 10 tasks on your to-do list and your partner or family member offers to help out with one of the tasks since they have some free time. Instead of accepting their generous offer, you say, “I got it,” and continue on with your day, as stressed and anxious as can be.
Sound familiar?
Sometimes, consequences of “I got it” syndrome can show up as you wondering why no one ever supports you, even though they do. It can also cause your loved ones to believe that you’re totally fine, even if you’re not.
Accepting help doesn’t mean that you’re not okay or that you’re weak or that you can’t do things on your own.
Having it all doesn’t mean doing it all alone. I know you got it going on, I know you can do all the things, but do you really have to do it?
— Elayne Fluker
Many of us, especially BIPOC women, have witnessed our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters, constantly taking on everything and being the one everyone counts on. It can be easy to fall into that same role in your family life and in your work life, causing you to be attached to this identity of “I got it” or “I have all my shit together”.
Releasing this attachment to your identity requires vulnerability and a strong connection to your self-worth and self-compassion.
The need to say “I got it” may have gotten you this far, but if you’re experiencing stress, anxiety, burnout, or even physical health concerns, those are signs that something needs to change.
To overcome “I got it” syndrome and release the need to do everything yourself, you need to work towards having a healthy relationship with support. As an ambitious woman, believe it or not, you can be more productive if you accept and embrace support, or even seek out help yourself.
What narrative or beliefs do you have about support? What does support mean to you? What messages have you received and held onto throughout your life that affect your ability to access support now?
The empowering part of overcoming this struggle is that the choice is YOURS. Moving forward, you have the power to shift your beliefs and change how you think about support. Who knows, you might just empower someone else to do the same!
Embracing H.E.L.P.
H - Having it all doesn’t mean doing it all alone. You don’t have anything to prove!
E - asking Empowering questions. Example: How can I evolve to make my relationship better?
L - Let go of the “how” & Live the question. Overmanaging is not the solution. Do you have space for serendipity? Take a few days to let your questions live and breathe in real life.
P - believing in the Possibilities. Don’t lose hope, believe in the infinite possibilities of life!
Do you need extra support in overcoming “I got it” syndrome? Pre-order Get Over “I Got It” by visiting www.getoverigotit.com!
About Elayne Fluker:
Elayne Fluker is the author of the new book, Get Over "I Got It" (HarperCollins Leadership), where she encourages unapologetically ambitious women to learn how to embrace support not only for their success, but also their peace of mind. As a speaker at organizations such as LinkedIn, the United Nations, the Women Presidents’ Organization, NYU, Columbia, Spelman College and Howard University, she gives women a roadmap for making empowered asks and living a fulfilled life.
Elayne is also host of the Support is Sexy podcast where she has interviewed more than 500 diverse women entrepreneurs around the world, and she is founder of SiS.Academy -- an online learning platform educating and empowering Black Women entrepreneurs. Most recently Elayne was named a "Founder of Change" for SiS.Academy as part of the American Express "100 for 100" program featuring 100 innovative Black women entrepreneurs.
To connect further with Elayne Fluker:
Visit her website: www.elaynefluker.com
Follow her on Instagram: www.instagram.com/elaynefluker
Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/elaynefluker
Connect with her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/elaynefluker
Connect with her on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elaynefluker
Listen to Support is Sexy Podcast: www.elaynefluker.com/podcast
Pre-order Get Over “I Got It”: www.getoverigotit.com
Watch the full video interview on YouTube: https://youtu.be/lJmfimAckII
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