Navigating Grief and Tapping Into Your Inner Titan with Dr. Chinasa Elue
— EPISODE 45 —
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As we begin to wrap up our second year of living through a pandemic, it’s important to recognize that we have lost so much.
Loved ones, jobs, housing, our favorite restaurants and businesses, treasured ways of living, and so much more…
Today’s Unconditionally Worthy guest is Dr. Chinasa Elue, a professor, speaker, coach, and Founder and CEO of True Titans Consulting Group, where she helps clients navigate difficult career transitions and obtain a better work-life balance. Her research focuses on grief leadership, trauma-informed leadership and practices in organizational settings, and support for the health and wellbeing of historically marginalized and underrepresented faculty, staff, and students.
In this episode, Dr. Chinasa and I begin by processing our feelings of grief from learning about the passing of black, feminist author, bell hooks. Then, we explore grief more generally, highlighting the insights Chinasa has gained from her own experiences with grief as well as the research she has done on grief. We also talk about what it means to tap into your inner titan, to truly own your power, and show up and share your gifts with the world.
When we experience loss, it’s common for us to not want to deal with feelings of grief and the other (completely natural) emotions that come along with that. Chinasa’s research on grief leadership stemmed from her personal experience with grief after losing her mother to cancer in 2019. Luckily, she had tremendous support from friends, family, and colleagues throughout that difficult season of life. This, along with the eruption of the covid-19 pandemic, led Chinasa to wonder what it would look like for institutional leaders to rise to the occasion, especially in a higher education context, and provide support and resources to help faculty, staff, and students navigate grief.
Lessons and insights from Chinasa’s research study on grief and leadership:
Chinasa was totally amazed at how honest people were about their experiences with grief and loss.
People who have experienced loss have a different response to people they’re leading. They understand how painful it is to lose a loved one and the extreme care that’s needed in this context.
There’s no one strategy that works to heal and recover from grief. Grief is individualistic in that we do not grieve the same as one another. It’s important to provide space to allow others to talk about grief (without treating it like the elephant in the room).
Leaders provide support to the people they lead, but the care loop is rarely closed. Oftentimes, no one comes back in to check on the leaders who are doing some of the caring.
The post-pandemic future comes with baggage: We have to be willing to acknowledge that people have changed. The people that you knew or worked with last year or two years ago are no longer the same people. They require a different, more empathetic type of leader to step up and support them.
We miss out on opportunities to advocate for and help other people when we wait to be of a certain tier of leadership. Power and leadership are not ‘all or nothing’ things. It may be risky to step up and speak out, but think about what you do have agency to do in your organization and how you can use your network to leverage your power.
“Grief in this particular context, as we’re navigating this ongoing pandemic, has to be one where we think about the multitude of different ways that we can provide opportunities for people to express themselves… and it will look different, and that’s perfectly fine.”
Dr. Chinasa Elue
Grief is a uniquely challenging experience that doesn’t have a quick fix. It’s not a box to check off in a conversation. The healing process takes patience, presence, empathy, and the ability to hold space for ourselves and each other. It’s easier to avoid grief, but it’s healthier to heal it.
Chinasa is a self-proclaimed “titan-builder”, but what does it mean to become a titan?
By definition, a titan is a person or thing of very great strength, importance, or intellect. Chinasa recognizes the importance of being able to motivate and activate other people to move forward in a direction where they know they are called to be. We may find ourselves feeling uneasy about sharing our skills, strengths, gifts, and intellect, but as Chinasa says, “...to be a titan means that against all odds, you still find ways to focus on your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health to make sure that you are operating at your fullest potential… You are mindful of what is required for you to rise to the occasion and to handle your business and to still be able to show up as your fullest self, unashamed, unapologetic, and shine.”
What gets in the way of becoming a titan?
Operating from a distorted vision of ourselves. If we don’t understand that the ways in which we’ve been socialized in this world impact the way we view ourselves, if we don’t look at the bigger picture of who we are called to be, then we tend to operate at ground level. The odds are not stacked against you. You are worthy and you have the power to recalibrate your vision of yourself and your worthiness.
Tips for becoming a titan:
Get quiet and be honest with yourself. What do you really want right now?
Give yourself permission to embrace change and take a different path.
Understand the power of an aligned “yes” or “no”.
“It’s powerful when you recognize your self-worth outside of what anyone has to say about you or who you are. When you know that for yourself, that’s a superpower right there.”
Dr. Chinasa Elue
In memory of Bell Hooks
September 25, 1952 – December 15, 2021
About Dr. Chinasa Elue:
Dr. Chinasa Elue is an associate professor of Educational Leadership and Higher Education at Kennesaw State University. She is also a professional speaker, executive leadership and life coach, and CEO & founder of True Titans Consulting Group. Dr. Elue brings her professional background in educational leadership and her decade-long ministry leadership experience to her commitment to her work with her clients to help them navigate difficult career transitions and obtain a better work-life balance.
Dr. Elue runs the research lab for the Study of Emotional Intelligence, Leadership Effectiveness, and Well-Being of Educational Leaders. Her research focuses on grief leadership, trauma-informed leadership and practices in organizational settings, and support for the health and wellbeing of historically marginalized and underrepresented faculty, staff, and students. Dr. Elue also serves as a Faculty Success Coach for the KSU Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning. Dr. Elue resides in Atlanta, GA with her husband and their two beautiful children.
To connect further with Dr. Chinasa Elue:
Visit her website: https://www.drchinasaelue.com
Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchinasaelue
Follow her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrChinasaElue
Connect with her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchinasaelue
Connect with her on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/true-titans-llc
Subscribe to her YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNamFoFGpmUbBwNytVP5zPg
Watch the full video interview on YouTube: https://youtu.be/fyCrtyYas_w
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