How Self-Worth Sets You Up for Professional Success
— EPISODE 67 —
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Adia Gooden: (00:00:00) This episode is sponsored by Crys & Tiana taking the guesswork out of launching your podcast.
Welcome to the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. In this podcast, I will guide you on your journey to connect with the true source of your self-worth. Each week we'll discuss barriers to unconditional self-worth, the connection between self-worth and relationships, self-worth practices you can apply to your life, and how to use self-worth as a foundation for living courageously. I'm your host, Dr. Adia Gooden, a licensed clinical psychologist, dance enthusiast, and a dark chocolate lover who believes deeply that you are worthy unconditionally.
Hello and welcome to the final episode of Season Four of the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. It's a little funny because we've sort of recorded most of the episodes for this season in August and September, and I'm recording this at the end of October. You're going to hear it at the end of December. And so it's sort of like this little time, weird time thing going on. But I am sort of starting to think about the end of the year. And one of the things that I want to get better at is spending time kind of reflecting on the year, everything that's happened in the year. And I think especially as a business owner, wanting to kind of think about that and spend some more time on that intentionally. And so I'm starting to kind of think about that, right? Lots of things have happened in my life this year. Certainly having a baby is the biggest one.
And I think it's important to just spend time at the end of the year to reflect and to acknowledge. If you're anything like me, you tend to set goals, work towards goals, and then the goal is done, and you're sort of onto the next thing very quickly. And I have gotten better with acknowledging my accomplishments and acknowledging the things that I'm doing that I feel proud of. And I think it's really worth taking a pause, especially at the end of the year, to think about what all happened this year? What all did you accomplish? What do you feel proud of? What changes happened in your life? What did you learn? How did you grow? And so I encourage you to join me with that. Like what, in reflecting on the year in, reflecting on what went well, what challenges you experienced, how you grew, what you're proud of, and I'd love to kind of know and hear about it.
So if you want to share something on Instagram and tag me or send me a DM or share something on LinkedIn, I'm getting more active there, I'd love to hear it. And we can have a conversation, a year end conversation. So let's get into the episode. This episode I decided to sort of share about, you know, how self-worth impacts our professional success, right? So I talk a lot about self-worth and our personal lives, and I also think it's useful to understand that self-worth not only helps our personal lives be better, right? When we know we're worthy, it also enhances our professional lives.
And so it is very clear to me that knowing my worth has really helped me to achieve professional success. I certainly achieved a good amount of professional success and academic success before I embraced the fact that I was unconditionally worthy. But things have just really gone to the next level, to a whole ‘nother level. Now that I know that I'm worthy, that I'm guided by my intuition with decisions, right? That I believe that I'm worthy of ease and fun and play and abundance, right? Things have really shifted in a powerful way. And I want to share about that with you so that hopefully it will inspire you. So I know that it's not a coincidence that I am now impacting more people, having more fun, working less, and making more money than I ever did when I was operating from a space of needing to prove my worth, and operating from a space of feeling like I got to prove that people, to people that I'm smart enough, that I'm good enough, that I deserve to have this job, etcetera. Because when I was in that space, I tended to overwork, I tended to overextend myself. I tended to be anxious and stressed, right, and overwhelmed.
And there was sort of an underlying belief that I needed to hustle and grind in order to be worthy of success, right? That I wasn't going to be worthy of success, of abundance, of any of those things unless I was hustling and grinding and working for it, and struggling for it and strive for it, right? Like unless it was really intense that I probably wasn't worthy of it. I wonder if you've ever been there or if you're there now. I wonder if you hold the belief (00:05:00) that you have to struggle and grind to be worthy of success, to be worthy of abundance. I wonder if you ever even feel a little embarrassed or uncomfortable with success and abundance that comes easily to you, right. Like just check in for a moment. Where are your beliefs around that?
Because the truth is that if you believe that you have to struggle and grind and work, and oh, it's got to be hard and intense, and it's got to be a, oh, you got to be working all the time. If you believe that that is a requirement for success, that that is a necessary ingredient for you to be worthy of success, then your life will look like that. Like your life will look like a struggle and a grind, right? That is the way we believe the world works for us is the way the world ends up working for us, if that makes sense, right? So it's important if you are tired of being overextended and exhausted and overworking, if you're sick of it, if you've been there and you're like, you know what, I'm kind of done with this.
One of the places that I think you should examine is, what do I believe about success? What do I believe about abundance? What do I believe about my relationship with those things? And what makes me worthy or unworthy of success and abundance? Because if it's that you believe that you have to grind it out and hustle and work really hard and work all the time and work nonstop to be successful, that may be part of the reason why you keep creating that situation in your life.
So it's interesting because a lot of us believe that, right? A lot of people, I think especially in the US, believe in, sort of, the hustle and grind culture, believe that we need to work incredibly hard in order to be successful. And often the worthy of it doesn't appear. So that's why I'm inserting it, right? Like do you believe that's what makes you worthy of success? Do you hate on, get angry at, get frustrated with people who sort of have success? That seems like it comes easy to them? And certainly there are systems, there are factors in our society, privileges, right? Things that oppress certain groups and privilege other groups that create an imbalance in terms of who gets success easily. And that is true, right? And I don't want to ignore that, right? Because systems of oppression, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, ageism, right? Like all of those things impact the ease with which we can be successful. And our mindset and our beliefs about what we are worthy of, our belief that we might be worthy of success with ease, with joy, with play. Those are, that's a piece that we can control, right? We may not be able to control society and oppression and the isms, but we can control how we think about what we are worthy of. And that's what I want to focus on today.
So when I have this sort of conversation with people that I coach with clients, people that I speak to at workshops, when I talk about, you know, embracing your unconditional self-worth as a pathway to professional success, often the challenge, the question that I hear back is, well, won't I lose my edge if I embrace the fact that I'm worthy, right? There's a sense that if I don't believe I'm worthy of love, care, respects, success, money, abundance, whatever it is. If I don't believe I'm worthy of it, and I believe that I have to prove my worth, that is what's going to motivate me to make me work harder. And especially if somebody has told me I can't, I'm not good enough, right? If somebody has told me that I'm not worthy of it, and I have a chip on my shoulder, I need to prove them wrong. Isn't that what gives me an edge, right? Like that's the belief is that you need to be motivated by not believing you're worthy and needing to prove you're worthy, or needing to prove to someone else that you're worthy, that you're good enough that that motivation is what gives you an edge, is what sustains your energy, etcetera.
And the reason that I think people worry about this, and this may be you, no shame, right? Is it because we think that fear is a better motivator than love or joy, right? And so we feel like the fear of failure, the fear of somebody being right about us, that we are not good enough, that that is our primary (00:10:00) motivator. And it can be scary to let go of that, right? So often we are so attached to this, and I think, you know, we can spend sort of a lifetime, decades operating from this space of fear, right? Fear of failure, fear of it not being perfect, fear of being an imposter, fear of not fitting in. And that becomes the primary driver of our work and our energy. And often that's very anxiety connected, right? And so we get into these cycles of procrastination and overwork and then burnout, and it's really kind of exhausting.
So just for a second, I want you to check in with yourself. Have you ever felt like your primary motivators were fear? And it could mask itself as perfectionism. Because often perfectionism is a fear of making mistakes, a fear of failure, a fear of rejection. But have you ever felt like that was the thing that got you up and got you like, oh my gosh, if I don't get to school on time, my teacher is going to be pissed at me. If I don't get a good grade, my parents going to be pissed at me and they're going to reject me. If I don't do this thing perfectly, my partner is not going to be happy with me. If I don't, you know, make sure this project is perfect and my boss is going to be upset with me, right? Like have you ever felt like you were caught up in a cycle of being motivated by fear instead of being motivated by, I'm excited to work on this project and do the best I can and contribute my gifts and strengths and collaborate and work with others.
And certainly there might be both, but I want you to sort of check in and see like, which one is the primary, right? And often when we feel unworthy or when we're struggling with low self-worth or conditional self-worth, we are driven by anxiety and fear because we're scared that we might, it might be proven that it's true that we're unworthy, that people might believe we're unworthy. And so we are sort of constantly working against that narrative, right? To disprove it, to prove that we're worthy, etcetera. And then we end up thinking that that's what gives us our edge, because then we're constantly working, and then we're anxiously like always on top of it, and always, okay, is it going to be okay? Is it going to be okay? We got to right, we got to hustle, right? Because that is the only way we feel like we're doing it right, that we feel like we're good enough.
And let's sort of bring in also some of the cultural narratives, at least in the US, which say, you got to hustle and grind. You should be working all the time, you should be working nonstop. You don't have time for sleep, you don't have time for rest. You don't have time for play, right? And I think also in communities of color, this gets amplified, right? That's like you grind all day, sleep when you die. Like, you know, in immigrant communities, there's just like, you got to work few jobs. And part of that is because there are real systemic disadvantages, right? I don't want to minimize those, but I think that we can acknowledge the oppressive systems and factors without internalizing them and without adopting the beliefs of those systems that say, you do have to grind to succeed, right?
So I'm just encouraging you to start thinking about this, right? Let's start examining the beliefs you have about yourself and what it takes to be successful, right? The truth is that when we are caught up in hustle and grind culture, when we believe that we need to grind and overwork in order to be worthy of success and abundance, we end up feeling burned out. We end up feeling frustrated, and we usually lose our connection to a deeper why, to the big reason that we're doing this work, that we're pursuing this career in the first place, and then we lose sort of the joy of what we're doing. And it usually keeps us feeling stuck or like we just can't find our way. We can't figure out what's right. Like maybe we thought this was the right path, but now we feel stuck because we've been burned out and we don't know which way to go.
And, you know, if I'm honest, I was there. I spent a lot of time pursuing a career that looked good, even though it didn't feel good all the time. And so I think that a big reason that I did this is because I really for a long time followed in the exact professional footsteps as my parents. And I was trying to win their love and their approval through being good in the same profession and the same career (00:15:00) as them. Okay? So my parents are both clinical psychologists. They both got their PhDs in clinical community psychology, which is like a really kind of small subsection of psychology. And then they both became professors and were faculty members at the graduate level. And then they both went into administration at their institutions.
So I think there's a lot of ways in which pursuing a career in psychology was an amazing fit for me, and I am so glad that I did it. Because working with people and connecting with people and holding space and offering empathy, helping people to heal and grow like that is my jam. It's a zone of genius for me. And there's a number of different ways in which I do that, right? And even though I for years love doing therapy, and it was my favorite thing to do professionally, I still felt the need to pursue an academic leadership position to get the coveted faculty appointment and leadership administrative title.
And I think, you know, I wasn't totally honest about it on the surface, but the truth is that a big part of that was that I wanted to show my parents that I could do it like they did it. Maybe I wanted to show myself that I could do it just like they did it, right? And so I got my PhD, and you all have heard the story of me getting my PhD and walking out of my dissertation defense and sobbing because that didn't make me feel worthy. And then I, you know, did this postdoctoral fellowship and it had some academic pieces. It was a prestigious university. I also had clinical pieces. So I was like, great, I get the clinical, but I also get the academic. I also get sort of like a fancy title kind of thing. And then I did a job where it was like primary clinical and I loved it. And it was wonderful. I started to sort of get bored. It was time to move on. And so then I was like, okay, great. Like this is the time to try to get that faculty appointment, that coveted faculty job. And so I applied for academic jobs and I ended up taking a job that had some clinical work, some administrative work, and a faculty appointment, and a fancy title. And I thought that this was going to be the perfect job for me.
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I hated it. I like, hated it. Like my body was like, no. And there's a number of reasons why it wasn't a good fit, right? But I think that the reason I was pursuing it is because I was trying to sort of meet these standards, which my parents never, like they never said, you need to be a faculty member, right? Like that was never a conversation, like we'll be proud of you when, but it was something I made up in my head. And the truth is, it's probably something I made up in my head when I was really young, right? And I was still sort of pursuing that.
And I think ultimately I'm really grateful that I got that job because it really pushed me to move out of that academic space and move into this entrepreneurial space, which is such a great fit for me. And it gave me this really powerful opportunity to listen to myself (00:20:00) and to honor myself in a way that I had never done, I think, that deeply before, right? The job didn't fit. It seemed great, it seemed like, you know, it was going to combine all the things I thought I wanted, but when I was actually doing the job, the actual responsibilities of the job, I was like, le, I do not like it. I was frustrated. I used to say the job grated at my soul. Like it just was a lot, right? I knew that even though I was doing a good enough job, I wasn't truly using my gifts and impacting the people in the way that I was truly passionate about.
And I'm so grateful that I listened. I listened to my body that felt, felt physically stressed on Monday mornings and throughout the week, and relieved on Friday evenings. I listened to my thoughts, which were consistently frustrated with the work environment and my job responsibilities. I listened to my moods and emotions which were more frustrated and irritated and low than usual, like I'm generally a high energy, happy, positive person. And that I wasn't feeling that way. And I listened to my intuition that said that job was not the right job for me that that organization was not the right organization for me to be working at.
And my intuition led me to trust myself and take a chance on myself, right? I knew that I was worthy and that my worthiness was not dependent on a fancy job title or being able to say that I worked at an impressive institution. And because I knew that I was able to move beyond the sort of glory, the sexiness, the impressiveness, and the confines of a top university and go out on my own, take a bet on myself, right? I am not affiliated with any institution or organization right now, but trusting myself to be able to do the work that I was called to do, to be able to make money doing it, and to live and work in a space of more ease, more fun and more play.
I am so incredibly grateful that I listened to myself. I am so grateful that I knew my internal wisdom and the messages from my body and my mind and my moods were all worthy of listening to, right? So often we ignore what our body says to us. So often we ignore the truth of who we are. That's a big piece of what I help people with in the unconditionally worthy group coaching program through my podcast, etcetera. Because we get disconnected from our truth because we don't think it's worthy. We don't think that our bodies are worthy of listening to, we don't think our internal voice is worthy of listening to. And so we start listening to everyone and everything else and ignoring ourselves. And then we wonder why we're confused and we wonder why we're frustrated and we wonder why we feel so demotivated, unmotivated. And we wonder why we end up burned out. Well, we've cut ourselves off, right?
And so I am incredibly grateful that I trusted the truth of who I am, right? The truth of who I am is that I am unconditionally worthy, and I do have gifts to share with this world, right? The truth is that I know that I will be successful. The truth is that I know that I can make things happen. I've done it for many organizations, and I can do it for myself. That's the truth. I'm not perfect and I trust myself. I trust myself and my worthiness and my abilities and my gifts and what I know to be true about my work ethic and all of those things over the insecurities, the fears, the what other people are going to think and what other people are going to say. And what if I fail, right?
And so that is what I want you to start to do, because the truth is that when you fully embrace your unconditional self-worth, that is the best edge of all, right? I started this conversation, this podcast, talking about, you know, people fearing losing their edge. What if I lose my edge? What if I'm compassionate with myself and I believe I'm worthy, and then I just lay on the couch and I lose my edge? The truth is that your best edge, your biggest flex is knowing you're worthy. Because that is the foundation for courage. Because in order for me to take a leap of faith and leave a six figure job with good benefits, I needed to have some courage that was required.
And if (00:25:00) I was beating myself up, if I was tearing myself down, if I was telling myself, you're not good enough, you're not going to make it. You don't know how to do it, who's going to believe in you? You're not affiliated with an institution. If I was beating myself up like that, I would not have had the courage to do it. And maybe if I did it, then I’d create some failure for myself because I didn't believe in myself, but because I trusted myself and because I knew I was worthy, even if I did fail, right? Like even if this didn't work out, I knew I was still worthy. That allowed me to take this leap of faith, that allowed me to pursue and create a business of my dreams where again, I work less, I play more, I have more ease, I have more fun, I impact more people, and I make more money, right? And that's what we want.
I'm guessing that that is what you want too. That you want a joyful career, a joy filled life. And in order to get that, we need to go on a journey of embracing our unconditional self-worth. Because if you don't work on the inside, if you don't work on loving and accepting yourself on trusting yourself, you're just painting the outside. You're just decorating the outside of your house, but the inside is empty, or the inside is filled with junk, right? And so the work here is how do you clean up your inside? How do you care for the inside of you? How you feel about yourself? How do you think about what you trust in, right? Do you trust in your intuition or do you trust in what everybody else has to say? Or do you trust in your fears of failure?
And I want you to consider, what would you do if you trusted your intuition about your next career move instead of just following the advice of experts or your boss or even your mentor, if you tune in and listen to what you really want to do, what comes up? See if you can acknowledge that answer. Whatever comes up without judging it or questioning it, write it down and then look for the truth in that answer. Maybe what came up was I just, I just want a nap. I just want to rest. I just want to take a week off. And there is truth in that. The truth in that looks like you need a break. You need some time to rest and rejuvenate, and will you want to spend the rest of your life on the couch or in the bed? No, you won't. And right now, your body, your spirit is saying, I need a break. What I find is that when I take breaks, that's often when the ideas start flowing. When I'm pushing and grinding and overworking, usually I cannot tap into any type of creativity. So I'd love for you to experiment with that. What if you honored the truth that's coming through?
What would it look like if you put more trust in your gifts and your strengths than in your fears and your insecurities? I'm going to ask that again. What would it look like if you put more trust in your gifts and strengths than in your fears and insecurities? How would you show up professionally? How would you show up in your life if you trusted yourself? So often we are overly focused on our insecurities and what we aren't as good at, and we overlook what we are good at. This is especially true for women and people for marginalized communities. We feel we need to be perfect and we end up getting so focused on our flaws that we miss our strengths. So imagine what it would feel like to focus on your strengths, while you also allow yourself to grow. It doesn't have to be one or the other. We need both of those things together, focusing on our strengths, acknowledging our strengths, and gently and kindly acknowledging our areas of growth and encouraging ourself as we develop in those areas.
Another question for you to consider. What would happen if you truly believed you were worthy of success and ease? What if you challenged the idea that you needed to overwork and grind in order to be successful and make good money? This was a big one for me. I really used to believe in the lie of, you got to overwork to make more. I believed it. I held it firmly, and I also believe that I needed to overwork in order to be worthy of making good money. But the truth is that that's not true, right? This idea that productivity and producing all the time is where our strength lies. And the best way we contribute is sort of like a factory mentality. It's very capitalistic (00:30:00). But the truth is that we can contribute powerfully without overworking, right? We can do so much to give to our workplaces, to our world, to our communities without overworking, our presence, our gifts that flow naturally, our creativity, right? Those things are powerful.
And so I want you to consider what it would be like if you let go of that idea. Can you let go of the idea that grinding and overworking has to be part of the success equation? And just notice what comes up, it may feel scary, it may feel really challenging, but just notice. So the key thing that I want you to take away from this episode is that when you know you are worthy, you trust yourself, you trust your strengths, and you use your internal wisdom to guide you in your career. This ultimately leads you to build a life and career that is truly aligned with what you desire, instead of having something that looks good on the outside, but doesn't feel right in the inside.
And if you're in that situation, if you have built a career that looks good on the outside, if you've built a life that looks good on the outside, but on the inside, if you're really honest, you feel stressed, you feel overwhelmed, you feel anxious, you feel burned out, you feel depressed, you feel frustrated, it's time to ask some of these questions. What would I do if I was really following my intuition, right? And just allow yourself to have the answers.
Sometimes it means letting go of things that seemed good, right? Like me letting go of a job that felt like it was the right title and the right faculty appointment on all this security, but it was making me miserable. And so I had to trust myself over what I thought the world wanted to see from me. And that has opened up so much in my life personally and professionally. And so I encourage you to do the same reflection. I'd love for you to let me know what comes up for you. So DM me, send me a message on LinkedIn. Let me know like what's emerging. And it may be challenging. You may not always want to hear what's coming up, but I encourage you to honor it because when we follow our truth, we really cannot go along.
I hope that this episode has been incredibly helpful and encouraging, particularly as we end a calendar year. I think it's such a great time for reflection. It's a great time to kind of think about what we've experienced over the year. So I encourage you to do that reflection and see what comes up. Allow, let, and maybe even consider making a resolution or resolving to center your own truth and intuition as you move into 2023. So thank you for listening as always. Thank you for supporting the podcast. This is the 67th episode. So there are many, many, many episodes for you to go back and listen to or re-listen to as we take a break. The next season, Season Five is going to come out in February and, you know, just be wrestling with these things.
I also want to let you know that the next cohort for the unconditionally Worthy Group Coaching Program is going to start in February. I'm so excited to open it up again. So if you think that this is something that you might want to do, if you're interested, if you're like, you know what, I'm going to start next year, really committing to the self-worth journey. I'm going to start next year making sure that this year's different than this year, right? If your reflection comes to, you know, there are some things that I didn't feel good about this year. This is going to be a program that you should consider. And so I'd love to have a conversation with you. I'd love for you to apply so we can talk about whether the group would be a good fit.
And I'm sort of going to let some people in early get those first spots if they're really serious and interested. And so if that's you, I'd love for you to apply so we can hop on a call, have a conversation about whether you're ready to take this self-worth journey to the next level, whether you're ready to start trusting yourself, being guided by your intuition instead of fear. Those are some big things that we focus on in the program. So if you're interested, you can go to unconditionallyworthy.com/program to learn all about it and to submit an application. And I hope you have wonderful holidays and a wonderful New Year. And I can't wait to connect with you and have you listen to the next season of the podcast in February.
Thanks for joining me this week on the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. Make sure to visit my website, dradiagooden.com and subscribe to the show on iTunes so you'll never miss an episode. You can also follow me on social media @dradiagooden. If you love the show, please leave a review on iTunes so we can (00:35:00) continue to bring you amazing episodes. Lastly, if you found this episode helpful and know someone who might benefit from hearing it, please share it. Thanks for listening and see you next episode.
This episode was produced by Crys & Tiana and the music is by Wataboi.
Cali by Wataboi https://soundcloud.com/wataboi
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As the year comes to an end, I’ve been more intentional about spending time reflecting on the past year. One thing I always like to reflect on is the evolution of my professional life. Thus, I thought it would be a good time to talk about how self-worth impacts professional success.
In this last episode of Season 4, you’re going to learn how self-worth sets you up for professional success, alignment, and growth in your career.
A lot can happen in a year, so it’s important to reflect on what happens in each year of your life. Whether it be acknowledging your accomplishments, seeing how much you’ve grown in certain areas of your life, or even just reflecting on the joyful moments you’ve had… it’s worth taking a pause and spending some time in that place of recognition.
What changes have happened in your life?
What did you learn?
How did you grow?
What do you feel proud of?
How has your relationship with your self-worth changed?
I encourage you to join me in reflecting on what went well this year, what didn’t go so well, and how you grew as a result of it. Feel free to connect with me on Instagram or LinkedIn to talk more about it!
Not only does self-worth fuel success and joy in your personal life, self-worth fuels success and joy in your professional life, too.
Despite how much our minds love to overthink work, the truth is, we don’t have to struggle and grind to be worthy of success, financial stability, and abundance. If you believe that you have to struggle through work to be successful, then your life will be a struggle. If you believe abundance comes easy to you, guess what? It will feel that way.
If you’re tired of being overextended, exhausted, and overworked… start by examining your beliefs about success, abundance, and what makes you worthy/unworthy of those things.
How to Overcome Hustle Culture & Feel Worthy of Professional Success:
Examine your beliefs about what it takes for you to be successful. Your beliefs around self-worth motivate your work habits. If your primary motive is fear and/or perfectionism, rather than excitement for the projects you work on, you’ll end up hustling to the point of burnout and losing your connection to your “why”.
Listen to your intuition when it tells you to make a change in your career, despite how great your job looks on paper. Your internal voice is worth listening to. If you allow it to, your intuition will guide you down the path towards more joy and success!
Your best edge, your biggest flex, is knowing that you are unconditionally worthy. A connection to your self-worth gives you the courage to take life-changing leaps of faith.
Consistently work on loving, accepting, trusting, and caring for yourself. Put more trust in your strengths and your gifts, than in your fears and insecurities.
Take a break from the grind. When you rest, you’ll be at your best.
What would you do if you trusted your intuition about your next career move instead of listening to experts, family, or your boss?
What would happen if you really believed you were worthy of success and ease?
If you want to fully commit to your self-worth journey in 2023, consider joining the next cohort of the Unconditionally Worthy Group Coaching Program, starting in February 2023. Visit https://www.unconditionallyworthy.com/program to learn more and apply!
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This episode was produced by Crys & Tiana.
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