Lessons from the Waiting Room
— EPISODE 99 —
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[cheerful music starts]
Dr. Adia Gooden [00:00:21] Welcome to the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. In this podcast, I will guide you on your journey to connect with the true source of your self-worth. Each week we'll discuss barriers to unconditional self-worth, the connection between self-worth and relationships, self-worth practices you can apply to your life. And how to use self-worth as a foundation for living courageously. I'm your host, Dr. Adia Gooden, a licensed clinical psychologist, dance enthusiast, and a dark chocolate lover who believes deeply that you are worthy unconditionally.
Adia Gooden (00:02.029)
Hello and welcome to the 99th episode of the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. It's Adia Gooden, Dr. Adia, your host. I never say that, but on the 99th episode, I have decided to say it. So welcome. I am so grateful for you listening. If you listened to the last episode, episode 98, I shared that this is one of the last two episodes of the podcast for a while indefinitely.
I will be pausing the podcast after the 100th episode indefinitely. And so if you want the details on that, be sure to go back and listen to the 98th episode after you listen to this one. So this episode is all about my recent experience in what I would call a metaphorical waiting room. And, you know,
I want to share about my experience because I think that you might have experienced something like this in your life as well, might be experiencing it. And my hope is that me sharing my experience will help to encourage you and support you to move through this waiting period in a way that's constructive. So at some point this summer, I'm not exactly sure when I got put into a metaphorical waiting room. I didn't know I was being put in a waiting room.
I just sort of started to realize that I was being asked to wait in some way or shape or form, not explicitly, but implicitly being asked to wait on things and a lot of things. So this looked like having really great conversations about potential speaking opportunities or workshops where people were really enthusiastic and they loved my ideas and then sending off the proposal and then hearing nothing back.
and then sending a follow-up email and either hearing silence or hearing, we haven't made a decision yet. It looked like that happening again and again and again. And I would like to, I wish I could say that I went easily into the waiting room and I was like, yes, I'm fine. I can wait.
Adia Gooden (02:15.062)
But that is not what I did. I think I would say that I acted a little bit like my toddler when I am trying to get her to do something that she doesn't want to do, like wait for a cookie, wait until after dinner to have a cookie. I went kicking and screaming into the waiting room. And no, I didn't have a real tantrum, but I did my best to get out of the waiting room.
I thought maybe if I call this person or reach out to that person or send this proposal or do this, maybe I could make it happen. I really got into this mode of pushing and making it happen and making those calls and that cold outreach and doing all of these things. And while I think that works for some people, it is really out of alignment for me. I am not someone, and I've learned this through the human design coaching that I did earlier this year.
But I've learned that I am not someone who is meant to make things happen on my own. I am meant to respond. But the struggle I was having is that there was nothing to respond to. And I felt scared. I felt really scared, as I talked about in the last episode, right? Money wasn't flowing in. And so I got worried and I got scared. And I started trying to do everything I could to make it happen. So cold outreach that felt really...
not great for me. You know, maybe I'll create this workshop, maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll do that, right? All of these things. And it didn't feel good, right? At first, I really felt like this waiting room period was like a punishment. Like maybe I am just doing something wrong. Maybe that's why.
I'm having these conversations, sending in these proposals, and no one's responding, right? It must be that I missed something along the way. It felt like a time out, right? I was being punished, put into time out. It felt like I was stuck, like nothing was happening. And I couldn't, despite my best efforts, I couldn't do anything to make it happen. And the problem with how I approach this waiting period at first is that.
Adia Gooden (04:24.434)
I ended up overextending myself. I wasn't really overworking because I have pretty clear boundaries around work that I stick to and certainly having Amani helps with that. But I was sort of over indexing on focusing on things that do not light me up, do not help me share my gifts. That you know, I was focusing on things that weren't aligned with my values, right? And so
I was in this stuck place. I felt like it was a punishment. I felt like I needed to get out of it, but nothing I was trying to do was working. And it took me a while, like a couple of months, and a couple of really insightful conversations with really good friends to help me realize that one, I wasn't being punished, right? Like that was the first realization. I first...
had to understand that not getting these opportunities, that not having incoming requests, that it wasn't a punishment, that it wasn't a sign that I had done something terribly wrong. So I had to get out of the mindset that, yeah, that it was a punishment. That was because I did something wrong. I also had to get out of the mindset that maybe I wasn't good at this anymore. Maybe people just didn't want to hire me
what I love to do, which is speak and help coach and help people shift their lives. And it helped me, I had to kind of talk through and work through that reality, that it's not like this waiting period was not an indictment on who I am or my gifts. And then I had a really...
helpful conversation with a friend over brunch. And it just clarified the fact that I was in a waiting room. Because I'm calling this waiting room, but I didn't really realize that's what it was at first, right? So at first I was just like, what's happening? Why isn't my business working? Why am I not getting inquiries? Why am I not getting opportunities, right? And so these series of conversations first helped me dismantle the fact that I wasn't being punished and that this wasn't because I had done something terribly wrong.
Adia Gooden (06:45.982)
And then this other conversation I had with a friend over brunch helped me realize that the waiting is a lesson. So, you know, I was talking to my friend and I was telling her about how hard it has been and I was like, yeah, there've been like six times when I've met with companies and they've seemed really excited about what I had to say. And then I sent a proposal and I heard nothing or was delayed, right?
And then there was another experience that was like a really potentially cool, exciting opportunity that was then delayed. Right. And I don't even know if I got it, but it was delayed. Right. So there were all of these things and I was saying it to her and I was kind of like, maybe this is not a coincidence. And she was like, it is not a coincidence. Right. Like this isn't a coincidence, this experience. And so I realized through talking to her,
that the experience of delay, of waiting, was the lesson that I needed during this period. Right? That there was a reason that none of the projects or opportunities that I had pursued were coming to fruition. That there was a reason that I didn't have a clear sense of direction on what was next for my business at that time. There was a reason that I wasn't being given a good
green light on anything. Like everything felt like a red light or a yellow light. And all of this was happening, I realized, because my assignment was to be still, to wait and to rest. Like dang, I guess the universe knows exactly what I need. And this may have been one of my hardest assignments. So
I've probably talked about this in other podcast episodes, but I don't like waiting. I am not good at waiting. And in fact, I would rather be late than be early and wait.
Adia Gooden (00:01.154)
So I have this pattern of rushing and the unnecessary nervous system activation. And I've gotten better, partly because my husband is all about being on time and being punctual. So that has kind of forced me to get my life together. But I've also made an intentional shift this year to stop doing that to myself. And I've gotten much better. But the point is I am comfortable with busyness and rushing and a full calendar.
And while I have gotten better at slowness and stillness and quiet, open space is still a place where I don't feel completely comfortable. I think one of the ironies is that last year was such a whirlwind with having a baby, with having a lot of speaking engagements last fall and having travel and all of these things. One of the things that I wished for and desired was rest, was more space, was more stillness and slowness.
But then when it came, I got scared and I got nervous and I didn't really allow myself to lean into it. And so in some ways, this waiting room period forced me to sit down and slow down and lean into the stillness, right, because what do you do in a waiting room? You wait and you sit and you can't do all of the things. And so when I think about it now, it's no surprise that
the lesson that I was assigned was to be in waiting and to have that be part of my preparation for my next level, right? Like there was something that I needed to experience around being still and not doing. And you know, I talk on this podcast about being more than doing, but even me who tends to be a doer needs a reminder. And like, what does that look like to lean into my sense of worthiness?
worthy being worthy of rest and worthiness when I am not doing, when I am not producing. What is it like to trust something bigger and beyond myself and my ability to do it and make it happen? So I think that is what the assignment of the waiting room is has taught me. So my friend and I when we were talking about this over brunch, we had a good laugh and played with the metaphor of
Adia Gooden (02:19.542)
me being assigned to the waiting room and me, you know, trying to figure out a way to do this assignment. I, you know, I love being a student. I'm a good student. Give me assignment. I will do it, right? And so it's like, do I do it this way? Do I do it that way? Do I do it this way? Right? And I spent a lot of time there, right? Like trying to figure out how to do this assignment, right? So I could check it off, get an A and move on, right? Like give me the next assignment.
I want to get through this one as quickly as possible, but the reality is that I needed to be in the assignment. I needed to relax into it. And it was so helpful to laugh at myself in this way. Reminder, laughter is so powerful and healing and really can help to shift stuck, stressful energy. But this allowed me to create a lightness around the experience. It had felt so heavy.
It felt so hard. And so when I could laugh at it and think, okay, my experience is to get comfortable waiting, and I have spent my whole life avoiding this lesson. I have spent my whole life avoiding the lesson that sometimes you have to wait. And that is not a problem. And now I am being forced to wait. And for me, that is an invitation.
It is an invitation to hone my skills and my gifts. It's an invitation to get to a different, a deeper level, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. It's an invitation to get to a deeper level of truly embracing my unconditional self-worth. Those are the, there are so many invitations in the waiting room and those are them. And I think the other piece about being in the waiting room is that it can provide clarity, right?
Sometimes clarity comes from doing things and we don't wanna be avoiding, right? Like avoiding going for something because of anxiety. But sometimes, and often this is true for me since I am person who moves fast and acts fast and all of those things, talks fast. Sometimes the clarity is in the stillness and is in the waiting. And I think that part of what was happening is that
Adia Gooden (04:40.178)
I was trying to make something happen, but I wasn't clear on the direction that I was meant to go in. And thankfully, those things weren't working. Thankfully, I wasn't allowed to go down a path very far down, miles down a road that I was not meant to go down because I was told to wait, because I didn't get yeses, because there was no green light. Because if I had gotten a yes, I didn't have the clarity at that point to say this isn't right for me.
And so I think sometimes we are assigned to a waiting room. We are given a denial or delay because that thing isn't right for us or it isn't right for us right now. And there can be clarity in the waiting and the stillness. And so I'm sharing this with you because I think we all go through waiting periods at times, right? I think we all experience periods of delay and waiting. I certainly experienced that a lot when I was dating and searching for love.
It can be experienced in our career, in various aspects of our lives. And so my hope is that in reflecting on and sharing my experience, my waiting room experience with you, that you can learn from it too, and that it can encourage you in the waiting. So here are some of the lessons that I am taking from the waiting room. The first is the power and the gift of being still and the gift of resting.
Right, that there's an opportunity to rest and be still that is so counter to our culture, which is so busy and constant and keep going, keep doing, keep moving. And the truth is that if we're gonna do some big things in our lives, if we're gonna have an impact, we have to rest, we have to nourish ourselves, we have to refuel.
We will burn out, we will run out of energy and motivation and creativity if we are always going. And so this invitation to rest is so powerful and to be still and to know that we are still worthy in our stillness, that we are worthy of rest is incredibly powerful lesson that I am taking from this waiting room period. Another lesson I'm taking is to be faithful in the small things, right? I think one of the things that I
Adia Gooden (07:02.114)
had challenges with this year was sort of getting caught up in the numbers and how big is it and how shiny is it and sort of all of these pieces of on the outside. And I got disconnected from my values and my purpose and what I am here to do in some ways not completely but a little bit. And I think one of the invitations that I had was to be faithful in the small things.
faithful with the people who are in front of me right now, the people who I am called to serve, the people who I have an opportunity to bless day in and day out, whether that's my daughter, whether that's my husband, whether that's my family, whether that's my clients, right? Being faithful in the small things in the day to day, and not that any person is a small thing, but I think remembering that it's not about the big and the shiny and the splashy and the awards and the this and the that.
that it can also be about how do I conduct myself? How do I move through the every day?
Adia Gooden (08:06.37)
The other lesson that I am taking from the waiting room is to slow down and appreciate what is here now, right? I think, again, when I'm looking towards the future, when we're looking towards the future, it can be so easy to overlook the gifts of the present. And so in that slowness and that stillness, I was invited to think about what beautiful things are in my life now. How am I already in the place I wanna be, right? I...
I have a daughter and I am loving watching her grow and develop. I have a wonderful supportive husband. We have a home. We have food to eat. We have love. I have friends. We have connection. Right? How do I appreciate and show gratitude for the things that are here now and lean into the joys and the gifts that are present instead of just looking to the future and what might change?
I have also seen this waiting time, this waiting period, as this opportunity to prepare my mind, my body, and my spirit for my next assignment. Because if I'm rushing and running and doing all of the things, I am not going to be prepared for whatever is next. And so I am seeing this as an opportunity to hone my skills, to deepen my faith, to...
sharpen my spiritual knowing and my tuning into my wisdom and intuition and to rest and to take care of my body.
I am also seeing this waiting period as a time for recalibration, re-centering, refocusing on what I am meant to do in this world. There are so many lessons here.
Adia Gooden (09:56.602)
I hope that these lessons are helpful to you. Some of the ways that I got to these lessons and these insights is I did a sort of one day, kind of part of one day, I took a retreat for myself and I didn't do anything fancy, but it was really helpful to clear my schedule, to not look on my phone, to not check email, and to tune in to what I'm learning, what I am getting from this period.
And some of the questions that guided me in my reflection in journaling, I want to share them with you so that they support you. So the first question is, what opportunities are available to you during this time, this time of waiting if you're in one? Second question is, what fears are arising for you in this time of waiting?
I know for me it felt like maybe I'll be waiting forever. Maybe I'm not just supposed to sit here. Maybe I should do something to get out of it, right? There was this sort of panic and anxiety.
Another question is, what are your patterns and behaviors when you're scared? So I just answered that for myself. But what comes up for you? What do you start doing when you're scared? And then lastly, what do you know to be true? One of the things that can be so helpful is to return to the truths that we can hold on to, especially during a time of waiting and uncertainty.
Adia Gooden (11:28.918)
So after months of struggling to get out of the waiting room, I finally settled in and got comfortable and accepted that is where I was going to be for a while. Meetings would be rescheduled, no problem. Silence in response to a proposal, that's fine. I was no longer resigned to the period of waiting. I was committed to leaning into the assignment and to wait with joy and gratitude and to appreciate.
the rest and the space. Even though it's not my preferred place to be, I would rather be on assignment somewhere else, but I was in the waiting room. And then of course, as these things tend to happen, pretty soon after I fully accepted my waiting room assignment and stopped struggling against the time I had in the waiting room, things started to shift.
Organizations started to reach out again and speaking opportunities started to come. Ideas and creative energy started to flow through me again. And I'm really happy to share that when I'm recording this, I feel like my time in the waiting room is coming to an end. I feel like I received the lesson, I experienced the lesson and now I am transitioning out of the waiting room. I'm feeling excited and inspired to create again. And...
I'm going to share more about what's coming in the next episode. Just so I don't leave you hanging too, too much for those are very curious. I'm planning to offer something a bit new in January of 2024, starting in January 2024. And so what I'll be offering is a coaching program. So it's at its core, it's based on my unconditionally worthy coaching program. But this one's a little different. So it's specifically for high achieving.
professional black women who are in their 30s and 40s, who have accomplished a lot in life, but are still struggling with romantic relationships. So this might mean that you're settling for situationships and poor treatment. It might mean that you're experiencing anxiety with dating and relationships. Maybe you have an anxious attachment style. Might mean that you're self-sabotaging when you do find love.
Adia Gooden (13:51.422)
Or maybe you've even given up on the possibility of finding a loving partnership. So this program is going to be just for you. And I am really excited to offer it. So I'm going to share more about that in the 100th episode. So stay tuned. But if you are hearing just that little bit, I'm thinking, hmm, this sounds like me, Adia, say less. I'd love for you to email me. So send me an email at.
info at Dr. Adia Gooden.com. So it'll be linked in the show notes or DM me or send me an on IG or send me a message on LinkedIn and just let me know like, uh, you know, I think this program sounds like it's for me and I want to learn more. And then we'll, you know, schedule a time for a conversation. I'll tell you more about it, see if it's a good fit. So
I hope that these lessons from the waiting room have been supportive of you and helpful to you. And as always, I so appreciate you for listening and be sure, be sure, be sure to tune in to the 100th episode next week.[cheerful music starts]
Dr. Adia Gooden [00:46:48] Thanks for joining me this week on the Unconditionally Worthy Podcast. Make sure to visit my website, dradiagooden.com and subscribe to the show on iTunes so you'll never miss an episode. You can also follow me on social media at Dr. Adia Gooden. If you loved the show, please leave a review on iTunes so we can continue to bring you amazing episodes. Lastly, if you found this episode helpful and know someone who might benefit from hearing it, please share it. Thanks for listening and see you next episode.
[cheerful music ends]
This episode was produced by Crys & Tiana and the music is by Wataboi.
Cali by Wataboi https://soundcloud.com/wataboi
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY-SA 3.0
Music promoted by FDL Music https://youtu.be/ZdQI7WQWi_g
Have you ever been left waiting for what you wanted? Maybe it was waiting for a promotion, waiting for love, waiting for a baby. I think we all go through waiting periods in our lives and if you’re anything like me, it can be hard to wait.
I want you to know that you’re not alone in your waiting. At some point this summer (I’m not sure exactly when), I got put in a metaphorical waiting room.
I didn’t know that I was being put in a waiting room and just like my toddler does when we ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do, I went kicking and screaming.
In this episode of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast, I’m sharing about my experience struggling with and eventually accepting and learning from a waiting period in my life. This episode will help you think constructively about your own times of waiting so that they can be transformative in your life.
Trying to Get Out of the Waiting Room
I did my best to get out of the waiting room and thought, maybe I’ll call this person, or reach out to that person. Maybe I’ll create this workshop or do that. I did everything I could think of to get out of the waiting room.
At first, the waiting room felt like a punishment. Like I had been put in time out for doing something wrong. I felt like I had missed something along the way or failed to do something along the way and that’s why I was stuck in a place where it felt like nothing was happening.
It took me a while, and a few conversations with dear friends to realize that I was not being punished. I had not lost my gifts, it wasn’t that no one ever wanted me to speak to them again, it was that I was meant to be in a period of waiting, for now.
Accepting My Time of Waiting
Through talking to one of my friends, I realized that this wasn’t a coincidence and it dawned on me that the experience of delay, of waiting, of being still, IS the lesson.
There was a reason that none of the projects or opportunities I’d pursued are coming to fruition. There was a reason that I didn’t have a clear sense of direction of what is next for my business. There was a reason that I had not been given the green light on anything. All of this was happening because my assignment was to be still, to wait, to rest.
This may be one of my hardest assignments yet.
A little more about me: I don’t like waiting. I am comfortable with busyness, with rushing, with a full calendar. And while I’ve gotten better, slowness, stillness, quiet, open space is still a place where I don’t feel completely comfortable.
I guess it’s no surprise that this is the lesson I have been assigned. That this waiting period is a necessary part of my preparation for the next level.
Lessons from the Waiting Room
I’ve been reflecting on the lessons I’m taking from the waiting room and hope that sharing these lessons with you will support you on your journey. So here are some of my top lessons from my metaphorical waiting room:
Be still
Rest
Be faithful in the small things
Return to your values and your purpose
Slow down to appreciate what’s here now
Prepare your mind, body, and spirit for the next assignment
This waiting period is a time for recalibration, re-centering, re-focusing on what I’m in the world to do.
If you are in a period of waiting here are some questions to reflect on and journal about. I’ve found them helpful and hope you will too:
What invitations are you receiving during this time?
What fears are arising in this time of waiting?
What are your patterns/behaviors when you’re scared?
What do you know to be true?
After months of struggling to get out of the waiting room, I finally settled in, got comfortable and accepted that this is where I would be for a while. Meetings rescheduled, no problem. Silence in response to a proposal, that’s fine. I wasn’t resigned, I was committed to leaning into this assignment to wait even though it was hard for me.
Then, as it tends to happen, soon after I fully accepted and stopped struggling against my time in the waiting room, things started to shift. Organizations started to reach out again about speaking opportunities. Ideas and creative energy started to flow through me again.
I’m happy to share that I think my time in the waiting room is coming to an end and I’m excited about something I feel inspired to create. I’ll be talking more about that in the next episode.
Just so that I don’t leave you hanging, what I’ll be offering is a coaching program is for high achieving professional Black women who are in their 30s and 40s who have accomplished a lot in life but are still struggling with romantic relationships (settling for situationships and poor treatment, experiencing anxiety with dating and relationships, self-sabotaging when you find love, have given up on the possibility of finding a loving partnership).
If this sounds like you send me an email dradia@dradiagooden.com or DM me on IG or LinkedIn and I’ll tell you more about it!
To connect further with me:
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradiagooden
Connect with me on Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adiagooden/
Subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCURnbYiU8WTj_2RlMIyER0w
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