What to Do When You Don’t Get What You Want: A Birth Story
— EPISODE 51 —
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Join me in welcoming Amani Joy to the world!
In this solo episode of Unconditionally Worthy, I kick off Season 4 by sharing my birth story, the lessons I learned from the experience, and the lessons that I think you could take from it as well, whether you’re pregnant or not.
From the beginning, I took my penchant for planning into preparing to give birth. After doing some research, I decided I wanted to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery at a birthing center with no medical intervention. Knowing there’s only so much you can control when it comes to labor and delivery, I set out to do what I could to make my birth plan possible.
I read books and listened to podcasts and meditations to mentally and emotionally prepare for labor and delivery. I practiced prenatal yoga to physically prepare my body for the birthing journey. I even shifted from working with an OBGYN to working with a midwife and doula, which I felt was more conducive to my birth plan.
I did everything I could think of to prepare, yet Amani Joy’s birth did not go at all as I hoped it would…
What started as a hope for an epidural-free, vaginal delivery with no medical intervention ended up as a traumatic C-section with complications, multiple doctors, and of course, lots of medical intervention.
This is undoubtedly an experience of me not getting what I wanted.
Listen in to this episode to hear the full story with all the details, but here are some powerful takeaways from my birth story.
It’s not uncommon for people who give birth to have a different or more complicated experience than they were hoping for. Practicing acceptance, instead of resistance, in times of disappointment can be life-changing. Acceptance carried me through my labor and delivery. Since I did everything I could to prepare, I was able to be in a space of acceptance through every stage. Because I had done everything in my power to bring Amani into this world, it was okay to have things play out differently, the way they ultimately needed to play out.
I allowed myself to grieve what could have been. Yes, I was disappointed. I was sad that things didn’t go as planned. Of course, I’m so happy to have a healthy baby, but I had to grieve the fact that I didn’t get to have the birthing experience that I wanted to have. I didn’t get to have some of the special, precious moments that I was really looking forward to. If this happens or happened to you, give yourself the space to grieve.
Focusing on what you’re grateful for can give you a fresh, more positive perspective on the situation. It’s important not to overlook the fact that I had a healthy full-term pregnancy, a healthy baby, great health insurance, high-quality healthcare with caring providers, and lots of support from my friends and family. There’s always something to be grateful for and focusing on that has really helped me heal.
Whether you’re expecting to have a baby or not, these practices of acceptance, creating space for grief, and focusing on gratitude can be applied to any area of your life or to any challenge you’re going through.
Accept what is, as it is.
Acknowledge disappointment and grieve what could have been.
Focus on gratitude, focus on the blessings.
The journey to embracing your unconditional worthiness is not a smooth one. Embracing your worth doesn’t mean you will have a perfect life with no disappointment or frustration, but rather it means that in the midst of difficult experiences, you will know how to show up for yourself with grace, compassion, and forgiveness.
That is exactly what my Unconditionally Worthy Group Program teaches you how to do. To give you a taste of what my group program offers and to support you in your life and self-worth journey, I want to invite you to join my FREE 5-day “You Won’t Break My Soul” Challenge. This is a self-worth challenge inspired by songs from Beyonce’s Renaissance album, which I’ve been loving (and I bet you are, too)! In this challenge, we are going to have a whole lot of fun while simultaneously working on our self-worth journeys.
If you’re interested in joining the You Won’t Break My Soul Challenge, sign up at www.unconditionallyworthy.com/challenge and invite a friend or a few to join you!
Watch the full video episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/X_o69Arfqmk
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